By Shireen Motara
It is hardly surprising that women are constantly affected by feeling of being overwhelmed. While women are making progress professionally, they still have to manage multiple roles. Our society has accommodated women’s professional success without holding men more responsible for being more active in caring roles.
I often hear how overwhelmed my clients feel because they constantly have so many balls in the air. If they dare to drop any, they face the outrage of others, with little empathy for how unsustainable this juggling is.
The impact on women of being overwhelmed
The long-term implications of constantly being overwhelmed can lead to burnout, chronic fatigue and disease. The physical symptoms that accompany feeling overwhelmed can include tightness in the chest, shortness of breath and an inability to focus.
While women tend to prioritise care for others, this means they often neglect their own health and wellbeing. This can force them into a cycle of survival that can affect productivity, which can then spiral into self blame and impact mental and physical wellbeing negatively.
When I feel overwhelmed, I lose focus. Distraction and procrastination becomes my way of coping. I have also seen this happen with my clients.
The feeling of being overwhelmed can make you feel “useless” and the tendency is then to distract yourself with things you can control, such as mindless social media scrolling, bingeing on Netflix and the like, and/or regressing into bad habits such as unhealthy eating in order to cope. However, this keeps you stuck in feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
In the long run, the mental strain of managing so many responsibilities can deter women from pursuing ambitious career goals, exacerbating existing gender disparities in pay and seniority. As we get older, we want to change the way we live and work to reduce the hamster wheel effect, which has already negatively impacted our wellbeing
Strategies for managing feeling overwhelmed
Stop and breathe: This may sound very woohoo, but is the best tool at your immediate disposal. Shifting my way of breathing through a meditation practice over the years has been instrumental in helping me manage feelings of stress and being overwhelmed in the moment. Breathing from your stomach rather than your chest, which most of us do, can help you build a way of being and breathing that can help manage feeling overwhelmed. The Insight Timer app is very useful for this – try it.
Walk Away: Stand up and move away from the situation causing the feeling of being overwhelmed, even if just for a moment. Go outside if possible. Getting some distance can provide some perspective. This is especially useful if the feeling of being overwhelmed is caused by engagement with others. A suggested response: “I understand this issue is concerning for you. To enable me to respond effectively or for us to find a solution, I would like to take some time to reflect on this before I respond. I will get back to you by… .” This action can move you out of a stress response, but can also create space for both parties to consider the situation more calmly.
Refocus: Sometimes just the idea of everything you have to do can make you feel overwhelmed. Keeping all this in your head may have the impact of catastrophising and thinking the situation is worse than it actually is. A useful strategy is to do a brain dump of everything that has to be done by writing it down. Then decide who can assist with these tasks. Can you delegate or ask for help? Can a task wait for a while? What must be done now – can you narrow this down to a manageable list? The Eisenhower Matrix can help with this.
Integrate wellbeing practices into your life: The best way to manage feeling overwhelmed is to build practices and have consistent tools that allow you to “offload” and regroup. I find that meditation helps me build a practice of connecting with myself, while teaching me techniques of breathing and self-soothing. Journaling, especially a daily gratitude practice, allows me to let go of what I can’t control and appreciate that even when life is difficult there is a lot to be thankful for.
Prioritise self-care: Self-care is not the occasional massage. It is building a consistent practice and way of living that supports your wellbeing. This includes a good sleep routine, eating as healthily as possible, setting boundaries and finding body movement activities that work for you. It also includes prioritising time to rest, relax and have fun. Schedule and diarise these as you would other work appointments.
Communicate your needs: Build a habit of expressing your needs to others in your professional and personal life. You teach people how to treat you, so if you are not clear about what you need, others will decide for you. This is the fast track to being overwhelmed. Start at home and use this as a practice platform for communicating your needs at work. Be clear about your load, what your needs are and how others can help.
Seek (professional) help if needed: It is a courageous act to reach out for help. This could be supported in different forms. Therapy can support you to understand past trauma and childhood experiences that still influence your actions and behaviours, while coaching can help you build strategies and ways of being that serve you in the long term. If you can afford it, a virtual assistant can take a lot of admin and personal tasks off your list. This can be such a worthwhile investment.
Embrace imperfection: Striving for perfection is a recipe for an unhappy life. Ask me. “I am a perfectionist” is not an achievement, it's the fast track to overwhelmed hell. Accept that some things won’t always go according to plan, and focus on progress over perfection. I attribute my chronic health issues to perfection – it can kill you. Really.
Boundaries: Women are notorious for not having clear boundaries. This is because the pressure on us to be “nice”, “helpful”, “caring”, etc, etc, is relentless. Yet, unless you can have boundaries across all areas of your life, you will never be able to proactively manage being overwhelmed. If you reflect on your life and what is causing you to be overwhelmed, I can guarantee you that lack of boundaries will be at the top of the list. Setting boundaries communicates that you are prioritising your wellbeing and that others need to know what you can and can’t do for them. Boundaries are a proactive way of managing being overwhelmed and the feeling of guilt for not meeting others expectations, while building the muscle of clearly communicating your needs. At work, boundaries could be:
– Refusing to allow others to speak to you in a rude or condescending manner.
– Protecting your space. When your door is closed, it means it’s really closed. It doesn’t mean someone can knock and walk in anyway.
– Setting your priorities for the day based on how you best work.
– Instituting a zero-tolerance policy on office gossip.
– Refusing to be “the fixer,” ie, the one everyone goes to when something needs to be done and done right.
Feeling overwhelmed can lead to a sense of inadequacy. When you are constantly juggling tasks and feeling like you are falling short, your self-confidence takes a hit. This can make it harder to take on new challenges and pursue your passion. Ultimately, it can lead to lifelong health and wellbeing challenges that are costly financially and personally. You, and only you, have the power to lead your life (without being overwhelmed).
Shireen Motara is an African feminist and thought leader on women’s leadership and wellbeing. She is a certified coach that specialises in working with women leaders. Motara is the founder CEO of Tara Transform, a social change coaching and consulting practice; and founder CEO of The Next Chapter, which is a platform and community that supports women’s life transitions and brings visibility to the lived experience of women in midlife.
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