ANOLENE THANGAVELU PILLAY
What if it were possible to control 100% of our thoughts, emotions and reactions?
But, with any challenging experience, it is possible to listen to oneself, respect oneself and be in harmony with oneself and others.
When faced with a challenging experience, the brain switches off, emotions and feelings are given priority over logic. It is said: “The only constant in life is change.” Despite this, we are not prepared for the emotional disturbance that comes with it.
Change impacts our emotions; we feel like we are no longer in charge of our lives. Since the beginning of the 20th century, emotions have been a topic of research. Even though it is not a new topic, the stoicism philosophy, which dates from the 3rd century, has conducted extensive research. Stoicism is not about disregarding or blocking our emotions, but rather about mastering them and preparing ourselves better to express our emotions without allowing them to control or paralyse us.
Research indicates that our emotions live on a scale – on the one hand, lies our fear and on the other, love. Between love and fear, we experience a range of emotions which is like a gradient and not necessarily a matter of fact.
Love is the strongest force the world possesses while fear clouds our vision. Unconditional love is priceless. Fear of not having enough is really a fear that you are not enough. When material wealth is prioritised over human connections, lasting bonds fade as fast as wealth accumulates.
Emotional wounds can weaken our personality and the way in which we interpret our experiences is entirely upon us. As we grow through experiences, our personality is shaped by the conclusions we draw.
Our emotional wound can develop due to negative experiences that cause emotional shock, trauma or fear. Learning from each experience allows our minds to change a negative experience into a positive one. Align your thoughts with a vision that walks you towards a new horizon. Rejection, abandonment, humiliation, injustice and betrayal are the five emotional wounds common among people.
Rejection is to ignore or push someone or a situation away, to avoid having them in your life. Thoughts like “I didn’t feel accepted and loved” arise. Certain journeys take you further away from our homes, but closer to where we belong. Self-love is the art of accepting our personal experiences. Love helps us harness the courage to believe in our capacity to heal our wounds.
Abandonment is refusing to care for someone or a situation. Thoughts like “I didn’t feel listened to, supported or understood” are triggered by these emotions. Your deep needs are attention, existence and love. Discover your inner abilities to heal yourself by trusting your inner voice. There is always the possibility of surprise when we discover a new way of living.
Humiliation occurs when someone is degraded or ridiculed. A humiliating wound causes thoughts like “I feel limited in my need for freedom and bullied in my desires”. Individuals nurture the belief that they are unworthy. We could astound ourselves if we all did the things we are capable of doing. Understand that our inner strength is more powerful than any of life’s challenges.
Injustice is feeling unappreciated, undervalued and disrespected for our worth. People with injustice wounds believe that life is unfair, or that people are cold and insensitive. Acquire the ability to open yourself up to the world and silence your inner critic. Ethics provides a method for safely guiding your thoughts, emotions and reactions towards your priorities.
Betrayal is the act of being disloyal towards someone or a cause. A betrayal wound results in thoughts of“ ”My trust was betrayed, I was lied to, or my expectations were not met.“ Through time, forgiveness and a will to rebuild trust, the emotions can heal.
Learn to let go, our mental compass needs to be adjusted at the right time to strengthen our confidence. Address your emotional wound by changing your perspective. When you align positive thoughts with your inner strength, you give yourself permission to live a life filled with endless possibilities. Commit to creating a future that exceeds your present one, with renewed strength in yourself.
Generally, you give others the opportunity to create your emotional highs and lows, but often they fail to create them in the way you desire. Why? Realise that only one person can be in charge of your emotional state and that’s you. No one else has the power to create your emotional highs and lows. They simply have the opportunity to share in your happy and unhappy moments.
With practise, become more responsive to emotional wounds and open a new world that brings positivity to your entire existence.
Anolene Thangavelu Pillay is a psychology adviser.