Husband seeks advice after wife gives away his possessions

Husband and wife see things differently. Picture: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

Husband and wife see things differently. Picture: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

Published Jan 30, 2024


A concerned Redditor has turned to the “Am I The Assohole” subreddit to share his frustrations about his wife’s habit of giving away or lending his belongings to others without his consent.

His post detailed multiple instances where he found his possessions lent out or given away, prompting him and his son to resort to locking up items in their own home to prevent further issues.

“My wife has a bad habit of giving away or lending out things that don’t belong to her. I’ve lost count of how many times I go to look for something of mine only for her to say she lent it to somebody.

“She also takes forever to get the item back, she once lent my stuff to a co-worker and refused to ask for it back for a month. And I’ll never forget the day my usually quiet, reserved son snapped at her for trying to give away his Nintendo Switch.

“If I wasn’t also fed up with her behaviour I would have washed his mouth out with soap. I’ve had countless talks with her but she continues to do this,” said the concerned husband.

“My son and I have resorted to locking up anything we didn’t want touched which is something we shouldn’t have to do in our own home.”

The situation escalated when the Redditor won a $300 (R5 600) tent in a raffle and decided to sell it. Despite his plans, he discovered that his wife had given the tent to a friend without consulting him.

This led to a heated confrontation where the Redditor demanded compensation for the lost item, resulting in his wife paying him out of her own pocket to avoid involving their friend.

He said: “This issue eventually got around to her family. While they did say she should have talked to me first they also reprimanded me for asking for payment.

“They reasoned that since I didn’t actually buy the tent I didn’t lose any money and it went to a friend who could actually put it to good use.

“I got several texts saying I should be ashamed for extorting my wife for money. I think I have every right to want to be paid for something of mine that was taken but everyone keeps emphasising the fact that I didn’t technically buy the tent and didn’t want it so I have nothing to be upset about. AITA?”

Subreddits users shared their thoughts under the post.

@ Novel_Sky8624 wrote: “NTA. She absolutely shouldn’t have done that. What it sounds like is your family and friends don’t understand the magnitude of the situation.

“Of course, they think it’s absurd because they don’t know that she does this all the time. You’re just finally fed up with it and put your foot down.

“Honestly, it sounds like you should’ve done that a while ago. How would she feel if her stuff just went missing? Tell her to stop and if she doesn’t I would give her a taste of her own medicine. I would take things of hers and just give them away.

“Even if I just pretended I did, just to prove a point. Sounds petty I know but she clearly isn’t getting it any other way.

Another user wrote: “I think this is a weird (I wouldn't know how to call it, ‘people pleaser’ isn’t enough) psychological problem and she should run to therapy ASAP.”

The mother of a friend of mine did this growing up. She wanted to be seen as the most generous person ever, even if it meant flat-out stealing from her own child.

Friends’ favourite clothes, toys and presents from late grandparents, were all fair game for her mother to give away, and she was expected to deal with that cheerfully because “I gave them to someone who wanted/needed it more”.

She gave her own things away occasionally, including money that needed to go towards feeding her child. Needless to say, they are no longer in touch.

“This could become a serious issue for your kid. You say he’s already acting uncharacteristically because he's worried mom is going to give away things that are precious to him.

“It's a really short leap to thinking that mom values other people more than she values him (or, IMO, values the opinion others have of her over her own son).

“It’s unhealthy for a kid to grow up worrying that things he loves are going to be blithely given away by his mom, it may sound like a small issue but it creates an instability that can still have an impact well into adulthood.”

@Slappyxo also shared a similar situation: “My mother did this too and this comment hit the nail on the head. My mum used to do it not out of the goodness of her heart, but because she wanted to look good and well off.

“All my favourite toys, books and clothes would always go missing, and when I asked Mum where they were she would shrug and say I must have misplaced them – only for me to find them at a friend’s house, with my friend saying my mum had given it to their parents.”

“It got so bad I used to store most of my stuff at my father’s place. Even if I was only there every other weekend and rarely got to use my possessions. It was better than them being given away.”