Dads use occasion to bond with children

As many are to celebrate Father’s Day tomorrow, Natalie Ruiters, a maintenance mediator, says little credit is given to fathers who are faced with many social challenges, such as unemployment, but want to be part of their children’s lives.

Ndiphe Ngubane, a father who was 25 years old when he had his child, said at first it was a challenge as he was also faced with the challenges of unemployment.

“The pregnancy came as a shock, and the whole world suddenly stopped, as I was not ready to raise a child because I too was depending on my parents. This meant that I had to change the way I do things, try to be focused, and be the provider for my child.

“To get access to my child, I had to raise money and pay the damage fee. There were ups and downs, but I tried to stay positive for my child and do whatever I could to make sure that I was always there for him,” said Ngubane.

Duncan Oliver who is celebrating his first Father’s Day said he could’t be more happy to spend this day with his three weeks son.

“I can’t wait to see what the future hold for us. I am very excited. I feel proud to be a parent. I think being a father its a greatest gift,” said Oliver.

Ruiters said there are many ways for a father to be part of a child’s life besides money.

“You can fetch a child at school, spend time with your child at the soccer field if you like football. If you go to church, take your child and go to church with him or her. All these little things count to ensure a strong bond with your child,” she said.

Ruiters said many young fathers find themselves in difficult situations as they are denied access to their children because they don’t have money to pay for maintenance, simply because they don’t have the means and are unemployed, and others are still under the care of their parents.

She added that because of this, they find themselves in and out of maintenance courts, something that affects most young fathers sociologically.

“In some instances, young fathers are denied access to their children because they are unable to pay the damage fee as required by some cultures when you have a girl pregnant,” said Ruiters.

Ruiters said raising a child is a shared responsibility that requires both parents, and fathers shouldn’t suffer because of things that can’t be easily resolved.

“When there are all these challenges, the child suffers, and so does the woman suffer because she is trying to bring up the child alone. She didn’t make that child herself. So for me, there’s a problem there, and I understand this culture, but why must a child suffer as a result?” asked Ruiters.

She said that in cases like this, fathers can apply for access to the child.

“They have the right to see the child, and the court cannot deny access even if they’re not paying maintenance. That’s a separate issue. They are allowed to see their child, so the law makes a provision for that. Mothers cannot withhold the child from the father. You’re not punishing the father, but the child. So the way to fix the problem is to go to court,” said Ruiters.