From honeymoon to premoon: Schalk Bezuidenhout calls out the moon madness

Comedian Schalk Bezuidenhout recently posted a video that had me in stitches. He was joking, as he always does, but this time there was wisdom to it.

Growing up, we understood a honeymoon, or wittebrood, as something sacred. The bride and groom get married, the guests cry to "From This Moment", everyone does the Cha Cha Slide after a few too many drinks from the open bar, and then we send the couple off to go relax and get freaky in peace.

That was the order. No confusion.

Now people have decided that one moon is not enough. We are in an era of extra behaviour. Expensive behaviour. Content behaviour. Everything must be branded and posted on Instagram with matching outfits in neutral tones.

Schalk said it best in his video.

“I came back from a week in Mauritius. Lovely holiday that I had there. But mense (people), there is too many moons. I am not talking about full moon or half moon. I am talking about moons that people go on.”

He started listing them. First up is the babymoon. This is when expecting parents take a holiday before the baby arrives. It is a final calm moment before the nappies start flying.

It sounds sweet, but it is also another excuse to post feet-in-the-sand photos with captions like “soaking up our last moments as two”.

Then comes the premoon. This one broke me. A premoon is a holiday taken before the wedding. As in, before you have even worn the dress.

People now need a holiday to prepare for the holiday. At this rate, someone is going to create an engagemoon, a housewarming moon, even a dog adoption moon.

Schalk eventually loses his patience and hits us with the truth.

“Mense, if you want to take a holiday, just f***** take a holiday. You do not have to create more moons.”

He is not wrong. As a new parent, I am already worried about where this is going. Soon we will hear about the matric moon. I can see it coming. It is already matric ball season, and that alone has changed completely.

What used to be a pie and a samoosa at someone’s house while taking photos on a Samsung E250 has turned into booking a whole venue for the pre-matric ball. You even need an invite. So please, Aunty Mertel, you cannot sit with us.

"At this rate, we are going to see engagemoons, moving-in moons, housewarming moons, first-fight moons, and even the dog finally slept through the night moons. Soon, you will not be allowed to take a normal break without naming it.

"Can we just limit it. Honeymoon is the only moon," Schalk concludes.