Why soul friendships matter: Aisha Baker's eye-opening exploration will change your perspective

Do you believe in soul friends? Not just the people who show up for brunch or send memes that perfectly sum up your mood, but those rare, grounding connections that feel written into your life’s blueprint.

The kind of friendship that transcends the usual boundaries of time, distance, or circumstance is something deeper, quieter, spiritual even.

This isn’t a new-age TikTok trend or a poetic exaggeration. The term soul friend actually has ancient roots. In early Irish Christianity, St. Brigid described it perfectly: “A person without a soul friend is like a body without a head.”

The Gaelic term anam cara literally means “soul friend”, referring to a relationship where two people are deeply attuned, a companionship that nurtures emotional and spiritual growth.

Fast forward to today, and that concept feels more relevant than ever. In a world of maintenance friendships, DMs and “let’s catch up soon” promises that rarely happen, the idea of finding and keeping a soul friend feels like an act of rebellion.

This is exactly the kind of dialogue Cape Town influencer Aisha Baker dives into in her latest project, "Baked The Podcast".

In an episode titled "The Friendship Hotline", she sits down with long-time friend Aqeelah Haran to unpack the spectrum of friendships from situational to seasonal to soul-level.

“I want to talk about what these friendships mean and how we navigate them,” Baker shares. “What makes some friendships effortless, almost eternal?”

Haran reflects, “There are two parts that make it work: shared values and maintenance. You need both. But soul friendships,” she adds, “carry that inherent connection, it’s almost unwritten.”

Their conversation feels like sitting in on a heart-to-heart between women who’ve lived through friendship in all its forms: the ones that grow with you, the ones that fall away, and the ones that root you in place.

Baker admits that soul friendships have a certain grace, a freedom from the scoreboard of favours or constant gratitude.

“With soul friends, there’s no pressure,” she says. “When I do something for them, I don’t feel like I need to be eternally thankful. It’s mutually effortless.”

Friendships that feel like home

Psychologists have long explored what makes some friendships more profound than others.

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that authentic friendships, those rooted in vulnerability, shared purpose, and mutual growth, are directly linked to improved emotional well-being and reduced loneliness.

It’s not about constant contact but rather emotional resonance. As American researcher and author Dr Brené Brown puts it, “Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued.”

Jeremy Schurke, director of Mirror Labs, writes that cultivating “soul friendships” is essential to our emotional survival.

“To love deeper and stay sane, I need close spiritual friendships,” he explains.

Drawing from Celtic wisdom, Schurke notes that an anam cara was someone to whom you could reveal the hidden parts of yourself, “your secret thoughts, greatest desires, and ugliest parts all welcome.”

Friendship in modern times

But how do we hold onto these soul-level connections in a world of digital convenience and fleeting attention spans? Baker and Haran both agree that not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime, and that’s okay.

Some friends serve a season or a purpose: a colleague who became your confidant during a stressful project, or a travel buddy who showed you a new side of yourself.

These “situational” or “seasonal” friendships are valuable too. They teach us what we need, help us grow, and sometimes prepare us for the soul friends who come after.

Yet, when that soul connection does show up, the friend who sees you without filters, who celebrates your evolution, who calls you out with love, it’s worth nurturing intentionally.

Research from Harvard’s Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on happiness, found that strong, emotionally honest relationships are the single most consistent predictor of long-term well-being.

Soul friends are rare, not because they’re mythical, but because they require presence, honesty, and vulnerability. They’re the people who remind you who you are when life gets noisy.

As Schurke puts it, “I’m tired of settling for acquaintances born out of convenience. I want a purposeful, present friendship where honesty meets effort.”

In the end, what kind of friend are you, and how do you show up?