How to support your child after failing their matric exams
Your child is likely feeling a deep sense of shame.
Image: Freepik
The release of the National Senior Certificate results is a high-pressure moment for many South African households.
While many will be celebrating, some families will be facing the heartbreak of a "did not pass" notification.
If your child received the bad news, your home might feel heavy with disappointment, confusion, or even anger.
It is important to remember that while this feels like a finality, it is actually just a detour.
Here is how you can help your child navigate this difficult time and find a way forward.
Manage your own reaction first
Before you speak to your child, take a moment to check your own emotions.
It is natural to feel worried about their future or even embarrassed by what the neighbours might think.
However, your child is likely already feeling a deep sense of shame.
If you react with intense anger or visible devastation, they may shut down completely.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your child’s worth is not tied to a set of symbols on a statement of results.
Create a safe space to talk
Once the initial shock has worn off, sit down for a quiet conversation.
Let them express how they feel without interrupting.
They might be crying, they might be silent, or they might act like they do not care as a defence mechanism.
Avoid saying things like:
- "I told you that you should have studied harder."
- "What are we going to tell your aunt?"
- "You have wasted so much money."
Try saying these instead:
- "I can see you are hurting, and I am here for you."
- "This is a setback, but it is not the end of your story."
- "We will figure out a plan together once we have had some time to process this."
Create a safe space for your child.
Image: Kindel Media / Pexels
Understand the practical paths forward
In South Africa, failing does not mean the door is closed. There are several concrete paths available to learners who did not achieve a pass or the results they needed for university.
The Second Chance Matric Programme is a Department of Basic Education initiative specifically for learners who want to rewrite.
You can also look into Supplementary Exams if they only need to improve results in specific subjects.
If you feel the result does not reflect the performance of your child, you can apply for Remarking or a recheck, though there is a fee involved.
Alternatively, TVET Colleges offer excellent vocational training that focuses on practical skills like engineering, media, or hospitality.
Watch for signs of depression
The period following the results can be dangerous for the mental health of a young person.
South Africa has high rates of teen depression related to academic failure.
Keep a close eye on their sleeping patterns, appetite, and social withdrawal.
If they express feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, reach out for professional help immediately.
You can contact the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) on 0800 567 567 for free telephonic counselling.
Withdrawing from friends and family is a possible sign that the person is in crisis.
Image: Victor / Pexels
Focus on the next step
Looking at the next five years can feel overwhelming right now. Instead, focus on the next five days.
Help them research the dates for the Second Chance programme or look into local colleges.
When a child sees that there is a practical "To Do" list, the situation starts to feel manageable rather than catastrophic.
Every successful person has a story about a time they failed.
This is a moment for you to model resilience for your child.
By standing by them now, you are teaching them that your love is unconditional and that they have the strength to try again.