Bullying is not just a school-based issue; it mirrors the pressures, and emotional wounds present in the broader society.
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The saying goes that 'hurt people hurt people' and for many children, that painful cycle begins long before they can find the words to explain it.
In playgrounds and classrooms across the country, the quiet fear of being singled out can slowly harden into something else: self-defence that can turn into aggression. The bullied become the bullies.
And all too often, those early patterns of harm grow into gender-based violence later in life, where boys and girls who once felt powerless seek control in damaging and destructive ways.
Behind every shove, cruel joke, or message typed in anger, there is often a child who once lived in fear and who is now trying desperately not to feel that way again.
'Bullying is not just a school-based issue; it mirrors the pressures, and emotional wounds present in the broader society'
South Africa's unique social pressures are contributing to a growing cycle of bullying, where victims often become perpetrators themselves.
Karen Gray, the chairperson and founder of the Anti-Bullying Academy NPO, said those who are bullied can themselves become bullies and that it happens more often than many people realise.
She explained that children who have been bullied may internalise anger, fear, or humiliation and later express it outwardly, a pattern known as the bully-victim cycle.
"A child who has been bullied may internalise anger, fear, or humiliation and later express it outwardly,” Gray added, highlighting the psychological roots of aggressive behaviour.
Victims-turned-bullies often feel emotionally wounded, experience low self-worth, and believe aggression is the only way to protect themselves.
"Stopping this cycle requires early and consistent intervention," she said, stressing the importance of emotional support, counselling, and the teaching of healthier social and behavioural tools.
Gray outlined the role of parents and schools in breaking the cycle.
"Clear school policies that enforce accountability and involved parents who reinforce boundaries and emotional intelligence at home are crucial," she said.
She added that community factors such as high levels of violence, financial stress, and broken homes also contribute. "Bullying is not just a school-based issue; it mirrors the pressures, and emotional wounds present in the broader society," Gray said.
The Anti-Bullying Academy advocates a holistic approach to recovery, which includes providing victims with safe spaces to speak, trauma-informed counselling, and support networks. “With the right guidance, victims can heal without becoming perpetrators,” Gray emphasised.
'Learners exposed to violence in their communities often bring these behaviours into the school environment'
A research article by Nomakhosi Nomathemba Sibisi, Londeka Ngubane, Zandile Faith Mpofu and Venencia Paidamoyo Nyambuya from the University of KwaZulu-Natal (UKN) also found that children who witness or experience violence are more likely to inflict similar harm on their peers, particularly in school settings.
"Learners exposed to violence in their communities often bring these behaviours into the school environment... It is important to note that learners can be bullies and victims of the vice at the same time," they wrote.
They further noted that some researchers believe bullying can stem from exposure to violence at home, where children learn to use aggression as a strategy for navigating relationships.
"Those who endure violence from family members are more likely to become bullies or victims of bullying compared to children from peaceful households. Bullying can serve as a coping mechanism, allowing children to exert a sense of control and power at school to counter feelings of helplessness experienced at home."
Children often mirror the behaviour of adults, they added; when disputes at home are handled with physical or emotional aggression, they may come to see such actions as normal.
'We live in a society so broken its children only know to inflict or receive pain'
Musa Zondo, a 23-year-old has felt firsthand the terror of being bullied and the pull that comes and tempts one to become the aggressor. Zondo told IOL that he was bullied since he was due to colourism.
"I experienced it throughout my childhood and well into my high school years. I grew up with dark skin, and you know the belief with young people, 'light skinned people are beautiful, any other tone is an abomination', at least that is how it felt. I was verbally bullied for how I looked," he said.
He explained that what made things even harder was being more fluent in English at a very young age than in his mother tongue, Xhosa.
"The verbal abuse turned physical, I used to be ganged up on, and it got so worse that I knew where my perpetrators waited for me, so I changed routes while coming home from school. And, in high school, it continued."
He said he had been pushed so deeply into victimhood that he developed a protective mindset, determined to spare others from the same torment.
However, older, with years of bullying, Zondo could have turned heel and become like his tormentors. "But, by then I had developed a voice, I knew how to 'clap back', issue devastating threats or make myself loved enough without being a menace to the community of people that hosted me."
The young man urged communities to address bullying as it has devastating effects. "We unfortunately live in a society so broken it's children only know to inflict or receive pain."
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